


How much it means

by Mr_Motley



Category: Community (TV)
Genre: Christmas, Email leaks, M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-12-21
Updated: 2020-12-27
Packaged: 2021-03-10 18:21:03
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 2,899
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28211550
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mr_Motley/pseuds/Mr_Motley
Summary: Jeff fallingSecond chapter Christmas
Relationships: Dean Craig Pelton/Jeff Winger
Comments: 5
Kudos: 21





	1. Chapter 1

The hackers released every Greendale student and faculty's emails. It was bad, but Jeff was use to having to hide his private emails. After all, the dean had given him plenty of practice there. He had his private email set up only on his phone, and using a top of the line VPN. Craig wouldn't read it, and the hackers couldn't release it. Best of all, no one would know that he managed to avoid being leaked to the same extent.  
Of course Jeff couldn't help his curiosity, as he sifted through the massive leaks throughout the night. He pulled up an email from the dean, addressed to someone under the moniker muffinbaby. It seemed to have the potential to be interesting, or at least amusing.  
The email started off very casual, asking about the weather out there, and how business was going, but soon the dean was delving into his own life, and Jeff had to laugh as Craig wrote about "that handsome professor." It was flattering, as usual, but the more Jeff read, the more he couldn't stop. Over a dozen emails later, Jeff closed his laptop, leaning back with a shaking breath.  
Of course Jeff knew how Craig felt; everyone knew. But, reading about it in Craig's own words; god. Jeff's heart was racing. Craig was in love with him. Actual, unconditional, unselfish love. Jeff resisted the urge to keep reading. Nothing good could come of it. The rest of the group was probably reading through everything the same as Jeff was, but this... this felt different. 

Everything returned to Greendale-normal fairly quickly, although there will still jabs to one another about it here and there.  
Still, every once in a while Jeff would indulge.  
The way Craig wrote about him was nothing like what Jeff would have ever expected. When Jeff would read those emails, he felt understood, trusted. He felt less alone. He use to find excuses for it; tell himself he just needed the ego boost that day. But eventually he stopped rationalizing it to himself at all, and it wasn't long until it became habit. Jeff saved his favorites, going so far as to print off the ones that made his heart race, and his edges soften. He kept a box under his bed, filled with odds and ends that proved that someone cared; and these printed emails became his best evidence. It got to the point where Jeff was looking through them almost nightly.

'Sometimes he looks almost vulnerable, although I don't think the others can see it, and I'd never point it out. He's going through something, and it hurts not knowing how to help; hurts knowing he wouldn't want my help. Still, maybe I'll find something special to help cheer him up, or at least help keep his mind off of whatever it is.'

'His confidence, his swagger; no matter what storm is coming our way, I know he'll be there, and so I know we can handle it. He still keeps up his trademark aloof-ness, but it's impossible to miss how protective he is over all of us. Like our strong knight in battle-worn armor; his passion for the ones he cares about burning too bright to hide behind his cool mask.'

'He was incredible. He always is, really, but you should have seen him with a mic in his hand, his silver tongue mending the crowd. He's our anchor, or maybe our lighthouse. Everyone around him can feel it, even relative strangers. He's fierce and capable, and even when it goes unnoticed, he makes everyone around him feel safe.'

Craig's words brought new confidence to Jeff's every step, softening his edges, and warming his day-to-day life. He couldn't help but smile softly at Craig every chance he got, a silent thank you that he'd never risk expressing out loud.  
Craig was really so much more than he seemed. Clearly from the way he wrote, he was more perceptive than Jeff had ever given him credit for; more present than his flailing limbs and outlandish outfits would suggest. Jeff found himself watching Craig more, paying full attention whenever Craig was in the room. It was strange how little Jeff had noticed before.  
When Craig came into the room, everything just seemed brighter, softer. His smile was contagious, his laugh never failing to bring an honest smile to Jeff's face. Yes, the dean was still a complete mess most of the time, but since the emails, Jeff never let an opportunity to protect him slip by. Jeff would be Greendale's knight in battle-worn armor, as Craig had called him. This was one commitment Jeff knew he would stand by. Greendale was his home; and when he looked at Craig, he was more sure of it than ever.

It shouldn't have surprised him when he found himself more drawn to the dean; touching Craig's arm or shoulder when he was close enough. Considering how often the dean was on Jeff's mind, and how fondly, Jeff really should have seen it sooner. As it was, Jeff didn't even realize until he and Craig were walking down the hall together, and Jeff places his hand on Craig's back. It was something small, but the second Jeff felt Craig shiver under his hand, it all started to click.  
The way it felt the closer he got, it was so warm and right, that Jeff hadn't thought of it much at all. It was nothing like the feelings he had for others in the past, which, in a way, were looking more like thoughts in comparison. This was different; the way he felt about Craig, it was something new. 

After Jeff came to this realization, it was like the whole world shifted just slightly. And he was nervous.

Those nerves followed him throughout the workday, and he had to make a conscious effort to act normal, especially when Craig was near. He had to rein it in, get some control back. At least long enough to figure out what it all meant. He avoided looking in Craig's direction when he could, tried to stay further away, and keep his arms crossed; no chance of those half accidental touches. 

That weekend Jeff laid back in his bed, reading over one of the emails again; although by now he had most of them damn near memorized. He closed his eyes, taking a long and shaking breath. He was falling in love. It was the only way to put it. He would never call it a crush, or even pretend it was as vague as simply saying he had feelings. How he felt? Undeniably, this was love. And it was terrifying.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this is what I decided to do to get over how punked out I felt about my other fic. Don't know how I feel about it yet but I'm over it  
> I just really wanted to do a no dialogue fic. Though I'm not sure if the emails would be considered bending the rules a bit on that, but meh. It was fun and I feel better, so it did it's job


	2. Merry Christmas

_Birds flying high  
You know how I feel!  
Sun in the sky  
You know how I feel!  
Reeds drifting on by  
You know how I feel.  
It's a new dawn  
A new day  
A new life  
For me  
And I'm feeling good! ___

____

____

Jeff watches Craig in his sexy Santa dress, and Britta with her antler head band, complete with red foam nose, drunkenly scream along to the song. He and Frankie still sat at their usual table, each in matching Santa hats.

"We're pretty lucky." Frankie muses.

"We are." Jeff agrees wistfully, before looking at Frankie in confusion.  
"We are?" He asks.

"The four of us? Yeah. I'd say we are." She shrugs. Jeff let his gaze drift back over to Craig, his sexy Santa outfit swaying as he danced just as poorly as Britta. 

"Not quite the usual Christmas." Jeff muses.

"We're not quite the usual group." Frankie agrees.

"I'll give you that." Jeff laughs. 

"Although I will say, if we wait too long on presents, we won't remember it in the morning." Frankie tells him, nudging him gently. 

"You want to be the one to break that up?" Jeff asks.

"We could always join them." Frankie offers. Jeff looks back over to Craig, feeling himself blush at the thought. It takes a moment, but Jeff nods.

_Dragonfly out in the sun  
You know what I mean _

"Mind if I cut in?" Jeff asks, taking Craig's hand gently.

_Butterflies out having fun  
You know what I mean  
Freedom in the mind  
You know what I mean _

Craig looked up at Jeff with wide and curious eyes as the two danced. Whatever clumsy feet Craig had with Britta had passed; he moved effortlessly in Jeff's arms.

_It's a new dawn  
It's a new day  
It's a new life  
For me _

Jeff couldn't look away. Craig was stunning. The way he moved, the way he looked at Jeff. Craig leaned his back against Jeff's chest, dipping just slightly against him. 

_And I'm feeling good._

Craig spun gracefully, ending the song with his hands on Jeff's chest, Jeff holding his hips gently.  
Jeff felt his breath hitch as he looked Craig over. The warmth of alcohol and holiday spirit melted through him, and god, he wanted to lean down, kiss Craig softly.

"Present time! Woo-wooh!" Britta cheered, breaking Jeff and Craig our of their moment. The two back apart, neither looking at the other through their blushes.  
The four gather around their table, setting their presents up.

"Guys," Jeff starts warmly, holding his glass up.  
"I just want to say how much this means to me; how much you mean to me. So, to Greendale." Jeff has a genuine smile as his glass clinks against his friends'.

"To Greendale!" They cheer.

"Merry Christmas Jeffery." Craig grins, placing a familiar touch on Jeff's arm. Jeff wets his lips quickly, trying not to let the calm of it show on his face.

"I do feel like I should warn you, I got you all jewelry." Jeff tells them, handing each of them a small long present. 

Frankie opens hers first, pulling out the necklace with jaw almost dropped.

"It's so elegant." She notes.

"And practical. It's a usb drive." Jeff grins.

"Can I say buying us all jewelry is pretty misogynistic?" Britta huffs.

"I bought Craig jewelry too; and trust me, you'll love it." Jeff huffs. Britta gives him a teasing smile, before opening her gift.

"This bracelet was made from recycled materials; every purchase pulls a pound of plastic from the ocean!" Britta reads the tag with a grin, before immediately putting it on.

"Ok, you're right, I do love it." She admitted easily.

"Merry Christmas Britta." Jeff replies. He tries to stay casual, heart pounding as Craig starts to open his.

"Oh Jeffery," Craig breathes out, and Jeff can't help but memorize Craig's reaction; the tentative way he pulls out the necklace, the way his eyelashes flutter up as he looks to Jeff briefly, before being drawn back to his gift.

"It's beautiful." Craig continues, turning it lightly to see it shift in the light.

"Come on, I'll help you put it on." Jeff offers, leading Craig gently away from the others.

"Well now I feel bad about my gift to you." Craig tells Jeff nervously, as his fingers drift across Craig's neck, the clasp, and the delicate chain; his warmth at Craig's back.

"Well I have a history of under gifting; seemed like the year to finally make up for that." Jeff explains, having this excuse ready for months. Jeff stays behind Craig as Craig looks at the necklace in the mirror, touching it gently. Jeff couldn't help but look over their reflections, see how perfectly they fit together. 

"We should, probably get back to the others." Jeff manages to tell Craig quietly.

"We probably should." Craig agrees, leaning back a little to look up at Jeff. There's a moment where neither of them moves, both so lost in each other that time seems to stop.

"Jeff! I'm going to start throwing presents at you if you don't hurry up!" Britta threatens.

"No! It's fragile!" Craig protests, snapping his attention instantly, and leaving Jeff's space just as quick.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Probably should have had them dance to a Christmas song, but this was what was stuck in my head while I was writing, so. Yeah, Merry Christmas


	3. And Happy New Year

Jeff sat on the edge of his bed, turning the porcelain bobble head over in his hands. It was a figure of a black cat with sun glasses and a leather jacket. Basically a figure of Jeff's costume from their drug play years ago. Craig said he felt bad about it in comparison to the necklace, but Jeff couldn't believe how much it meant to him.  
The shelves in Jeff's apartment weren't for storage, or for show; at least not in the personal sense. Anything personal that he had was in the box, under his bed.  
But this... Jeff places it on his nightstand, tapping its head gently. He couldn't help the smile, couldn't help but feel warmer, more solid.  
The man he loves gave him this. Jeff almost laughed to himself. It all still felt unreal; the way he felt still seemed impossible. He couldn't believe this is what people meant when they talked about love. Couldn't believe loving like this was possible at all.  
It wasn't rushed, or stressful; he wasn't worried. And while yes, he was nervous-always nervous lately-it wasn't like the kind of nerves he had ever known. It was giddy; joyful and effortless. Jeff laid back on his bed, hand placed just over his heart. It was incredible.

\----------

He wouldn't see Craig until after New Years; apparently Craig went to visit his parents this time of year.  
He'd meet with Frankie, or Britta, or both here and there over the break, but New Year's Eve would be just him and Britta. Even so, Jeff was looking forward to it.  
Britta turned on the tv, flipping to the Fox New Year's Eve special, claiming that two of her favorite idiots were hosting it.

"You do realize one of them is an actual doctor, right?" Jeff smirked, joining her on the couch.

"Ok, fine; my favorite doctor, and his idiot best friend. Happy?" Britta asked, eyes rolling.

"Extremely. Drinks?" Jeff asks, and Britta motions him away. Jeff hums absently around the kitchen as he gets their drinks ready. His mind wanders, wondering where Craig is, if Craig was thinking of him too.

"You've been in a good mood lately." Britta notes, leaning against the entryway. Jeff jumps a little, before rolling his eyes.

"I was, before I saw you in therapist mode." He huffs.

"Oh therapist mode activated! I see you, Winger. You've got a new girlfriend." She grins, satisfied.

"Oh you are so off base." Jeff scoffs through his smile, handing Britta her drink.

"Uh-Huh. I'm sure." Britta gloats. Jeff just rolled his eyes, leading the way back to the tv.

\----------

It was their first day back at Greendale before Jeff saw Craig again. He had heard him next door the last few days, but wasn't sure if he should impose while Craig was still settling back in.  
Not that it wasn't a fight. Those nights Jeff could barely sleep; turned on his side, lost in thought while he admired the black cat bobble head. 

But finally it was their first day back, and Jeff could hardly wait. Still he spent a bit too long in front of the mirror that morning, arriving to their meeting a few minutes late. Jeff smiles as he walked into the former study room, locking eyes with Craig instantly.

"You have a good trip?" Jeff asks warmly as he takes his seat next to Craig.

"I did!" Craig beams at him.  
Even just sitting beside Craig for a meeting felt right, like there had been something building over the last two weeks that was finally settling. Even as Jeff taught his classes throughout the day, he was calm, warmer than he had been. As the last few minutes of his last class passed, Jeff felt that familiar nervous flutter building up. He hadn't prepared an excuse to see Craig, but with or without one, he could hardly wait to stop by. 

"Jeffery!" Craig grinned as Jeff leaned in his doorway.

"Craig. How's the next semester looking?" Jeff couldn't help his smile if he tried, feeling that comfortable nervous flutter thum through him.

"Uhg." Craig huffed.

"That bad?" Jeff asked, closing the door behind him, and moving to stretch out on the couch.

"I don't want to talk about it." Craig pouted. 

\--------

Jeff walked Craig out to his car, and the closer they got, the more Jeff hesitates.  
"Jeffery?" Craig asks curiously.

"Hey you want to start carpooling?" Jeff asks nervously. It takes a moment for Craig to process the words, so Jeff continues.  
"I mean we live in the same building, and, I don't know; it would give us some time, outside of work." Jeff's breath kind of hitches at his own admission.

"We see each other outside of work." Craig defends, still kind of shocked. Jeff rolls his eyes.

"Friday night drinks don't count; everyone's there." Jeff argues, finally meeting Craig's eyes with a bit more confidence. Craig watches Jeff curiously, trying to figure this out carefully.

"You're saying you want time with just me?" Craig asks softly. Jeff's heart is soaring, and he's so nervous. He's not ready to have this conversation; he should have planned this.

"Yeah, I like spending time with you." Jeff shrugs, trying to sound casual, but honestly he can hardly even hear himself.

"Ok, yeah. Come by my place tomorrow morning, and we'll drive together." Craig agrees, smiling at Jeff in a way that showed how caught off guard he was.

"I guess I'll see you then." Jeff grinned back, heart fluttering.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Definitely planning to watch Joel McHale and Ken Jeong for New Years


End file.
